thankful
I meant to tell you all what I was thankful for last week, during the traditional time to do so. I wanted to keep that promise I made to myself that I would, under all circumstance, blog at least twice a week. But it seems that I wanted a lot of things last week and I became self-consumed and a little wrapped up in what I wished for and wanted rather than what I could have and be thankful for.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. It was everything it should be – up early, frantically running over a checklist in my mind (“did I grab everything that I prepped last night?”, “did I remember to charge my phone so it wouldn’t die in the middle of my interstate drive?”, “did I throw in that book I wanted to pass along to my mom?”, “what in the hell am I going to get for the few remaining gifts I need to purchase for Christmas?”). Arrive at my parent’s place – excitable furry friends vigorously saying hello as soon as I step out of the car. Unload and start cooking. Cooking. Really cooking a full-blown meal is like some much-needed therapy for me; it doesn’t stress me out. In fact, I reach some zen-like state when I’m surrounded by bowls to fill, sides to create and family members watching me whip up magical gravy. The satisfaction of looking at a table full of beautiful food, smiles on the faces of everyone surrounding the table (is it the alcohol, or is everyone really happy?), sinking into a chair and sinking my teeth into my newly crowned favorite - sweet potato biscuits.
Remembering to be thankful for what I have because I’m lucky enough to know what I want, to have the means to go after it and even if I fail spectacularly to achieve it I have still tried is what I’m celebrating this year. I have been on a very interesting journey over the course of the last many, many months. Stopping long enough to really take a look at the things in my life that are a gift is a luxury many people cannot even fathom. Recognizing that I should stop my whining (on full display this past weekend) and bitching about not being able to get what I want is simply ridiculous. So what? That’s life. Finding one thing to feel lucky or thankful for every day has a way of knocking the self-importance out of you and changing your focus. Not beating yourself up for wanting things, wishing for them with the hope you used to have at the ready when you were younger, a little bit more naïve and a lot less jaded is another lesson.
I frequently let my freak flag fly these days – some see it much more than others. And you poor readers bear witness to it much more than you should have to. I could remove the posts that come off as a bit more insecure and, uh, “crazy” but it keeps me honest and serves as a pretty public reminder that I still have a lot of things to work on. And when they were written, I really did feel that way. But feelings, like problems and insecurities, are fleeting and constantly changing. It’s important to recognize them and understand how your brain processes setbacks and successes. And it’s equally important to not put too much stock in them for the same reasons.
But once again, I have gone slightly off subject. I am thankful for having this blog as an outlet. For the rambling, sometimes incoherent, often curious thoughts that run through my head. And I am thankful that anyone would want to read this.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. It was everything it should be – up early, frantically running over a checklist in my mind (“did I grab everything that I prepped last night?”, “did I remember to charge my phone so it wouldn’t die in the middle of my interstate drive?”, “did I throw in that book I wanted to pass along to my mom?”, “what in the hell am I going to get for the few remaining gifts I need to purchase for Christmas?”). Arrive at my parent’s place – excitable furry friends vigorously saying hello as soon as I step out of the car. Unload and start cooking. Cooking. Really cooking a full-blown meal is like some much-needed therapy for me; it doesn’t stress me out. In fact, I reach some zen-like state when I’m surrounded by bowls to fill, sides to create and family members watching me whip up magical gravy. The satisfaction of looking at a table full of beautiful food, smiles on the faces of everyone surrounding the table (is it the alcohol, or is everyone really happy?), sinking into a chair and sinking my teeth into my newly crowned favorite - sweet potato biscuits.
Remembering to be thankful for what I have because I’m lucky enough to know what I want, to have the means to go after it and even if I fail spectacularly to achieve it I have still tried is what I’m celebrating this year. I have been on a very interesting journey over the course of the last many, many months. Stopping long enough to really take a look at the things in my life that are a gift is a luxury many people cannot even fathom. Recognizing that I should stop my whining (on full display this past weekend) and bitching about not being able to get what I want is simply ridiculous. So what? That’s life. Finding one thing to feel lucky or thankful for every day has a way of knocking the self-importance out of you and changing your focus. Not beating yourself up for wanting things, wishing for them with the hope you used to have at the ready when you were younger, a little bit more naïve and a lot less jaded is another lesson.
I frequently let my freak flag fly these days – some see it much more than others. And you poor readers bear witness to it much more than you should have to. I could remove the posts that come off as a bit more insecure and, uh, “crazy” but it keeps me honest and serves as a pretty public reminder that I still have a lot of things to work on. And when they were written, I really did feel that way. But feelings, like problems and insecurities, are fleeting and constantly changing. It’s important to recognize them and understand how your brain processes setbacks and successes. And it’s equally important to not put too much stock in them for the same reasons.
But once again, I have gone slightly off subject. I am thankful for having this blog as an outlet. For the rambling, sometimes incoherent, often curious thoughts that run through my head. And I am thankful that anyone would want to read this.
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