what goes up...
You guessed it. Must come down. Specifically, I’m forcing myself to take a short break from contract work, extra projects and general weekly stress inducers and put myself on mandatory downtime. Seems simple enough, right? What I’ve found this week since I’ve delivered this edict is that I’m still just as busy with random things I’ve neglected the past few months like cleaning, buying a tire pump for my bike, and cooking something that takes longer than 15 minutes to prepare. Tons of small tasks just piling up while I focus on work, money and completing projects for everyone else – except myself.
“Is she really whining about having extra money, bolstering her savings and having more freelance options than she can handle?” Believe me. I know how selfish and random this seems when I talk to friends who are struggling to find work, cutting corners just to pay the bills every month and generally worried all the time about the very issues I’m complaining to have in abundance. And it seems crazy to force mandatory downtime when you’ve had your head down and working so much and so long to come out the other side and not have to worry about these things.
But I’m frustrated. Exhausted. Feel a need to blast open my routine. Work. Money. Work. Money. Work. Money. There’s always this tiny little paranoid voice in the back of my head that doesn’t trust my situation is secure. Which will undoubtedly serve me well as I continue to appreciate and better my financial security moving forward. But that’s not all there is to life. Not even close. And while these issues seem so all-encompassing and basically f*** with your headspace at all times when you’re juggling and worrying about making payments and not falling behind, OR when you are comfortable and projecting toward the future, I still do not want to be harnessed and driven by money – getting it, saving it, keeping it, spending it.
I have trouble saying “no” to people who ask me for help, whether it’s a client asking for design assistance who is in a bind or a project I don’t want to really take on, I still listen to that nagging voice telling me that I shouldn’t pass up opportunities to make a little extra money. So, this is my challenge to myself through the end of the month – saying “no” to unnecessary stress and “yes” to a true mental break from deadlines, proofing, working all night on top of the day job and finding more time to just be. Easier said than done.
“Is she really whining about having extra money, bolstering her savings and having more freelance options than she can handle?” Believe me. I know how selfish and random this seems when I talk to friends who are struggling to find work, cutting corners just to pay the bills every month and generally worried all the time about the very issues I’m complaining to have in abundance. And it seems crazy to force mandatory downtime when you’ve had your head down and working so much and so long to come out the other side and not have to worry about these things.
But I’m frustrated. Exhausted. Feel a need to blast open my routine. Work. Money. Work. Money. Work. Money. There’s always this tiny little paranoid voice in the back of my head that doesn’t trust my situation is secure. Which will undoubtedly serve me well as I continue to appreciate and better my financial security moving forward. But that’s not all there is to life. Not even close. And while these issues seem so all-encompassing and basically f*** with your headspace at all times when you’re juggling and worrying about making payments and not falling behind, OR when you are comfortable and projecting toward the future, I still do not want to be harnessed and driven by money – getting it, saving it, keeping it, spending it.
I have trouble saying “no” to people who ask me for help, whether it’s a client asking for design assistance who is in a bind or a project I don’t want to really take on, I still listen to that nagging voice telling me that I shouldn’t pass up opportunities to make a little extra money. So, this is my challenge to myself through the end of the month – saying “no” to unnecessary stress and “yes” to a true mental break from deadlines, proofing, working all night on top of the day job and finding more time to just be. Easier said than done.
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