"Got my mojo workin'"
This morning, at the early hour of 7:43 am, as I was jammin’ out to some Muddy Waters, I think I found my mojo. What could I possibly have in common with this blues master other than a shared, soulful look at my relationships? Why today, of all days, am I exploring my ideas concerning self-confidence, self-worth and self-efficacy before most people are even seated at their desks to start the work week? What is with all the self-analysis this summer?
First things first: it’s important to understand that only the strangely fascinating dual-world existence I have been living this summer could cause such questions to arise. What started out as an innocent proclamation to myself to try new things, step out of my comfort zone and have as much fun as possible has led to an interesting assortment of experiences. Simultaneoulsy overworked and irresponsible at the start of the summer, I forged a new friendship and the connection with this person has been electric and instantaneous, and has led me down an unexpected path. It has been my experience that certain people enter your life at times of unrest (both positive and negative), indifference or unbalance. This should not be assumed or mistaken for a time of negativity, however, it’s simply a time of change. And in my case, a time to reacquaint myself with my “mojo”.
Another friend recently noted, “Nothing will ever happen to either one of us unless we just throw ourselves out there.” I find buried nuggets of wisdom in a lot of offhand remarks, casual emails and random text messages these days. Having already adopted this philosophy before this reaffirming note arrived, I’m surprised to find that letting my guard down, unhinging the constraints around my head and heart and operating without a filter when it comes to communicating with this newfound friend has led me to an interesting conclusion. Leaving the trappings of “civil” (read: guarded, processed and filtered) conversation behind, I no longer have to feel regret, embarrassment or self-consciousness when it comes to speaking my mind. Letting emotion, irrationality, logic and unbridled curiosity co-mingle in a stream-of-consciousness manner suits me. In any given day, a jumble of conflicting, contradictory thoughts and feelings pass through my brain. These are the things you’re never supposed to tell other people about. You know, the “secret life and thoughts” that either deliver you from daily boredom or spur you on to further repression, limitless confusion and an inability to get out of your own headspace. This, in turn, leads to a perspective problem, and makes it difficult to step outside of your own perceived issues to find a way to dig yourself out from under whatever weight is bearing down on you.
It’s this unrestricted interaction between myself and someone who was nothing more than an acquaintance/stranger a mere eight weeks ago that has gotten me thinking about how we (in the larger collective sense, and in the much more personal “two of us”) interact with our circle of friends. If we’re hesitant to tell those we count as our “friends” what’s really going on in our lives, or the thoughts that are really passing through our heads, are they, truly, our friends? Is it better to have fewer friends that know more about us, or spend time with an expanded roster who may not know us well, but who force us to forget our troubles and remain “best of times” acquaintances? And how does it reflect on us, our comfort level with ourselves and those around us? Do we worry more about what other people will think, to the detriment of our own self-worth, self-confidence and self-efficacy?
The mystery surrounding why my connection with this person has allowed me to open myself up so fully could definitely spur about a thousand more inquiries into my psyche. But instead of questioning this positive development, I prefer to simply let it take root and gradually spread to my other relationships. In a sense, I’m getting over myself; realizing that my problems only acquire the weight I prescribe to them. Life is messy, and I’m an unpredictable, evolving ball of chaos. Embracing the many fractures and cracks in our socially acceptable veneer is what reveals our real, unique character. Remembering that it should never be embarrassing to tell people how you truly feel – about them, about life, about your many issues and general weirdness – without consequence and without reciprocation is my lesson learned.
Somewhere along the way, after sifting through years of coping, defense mechanisms and falling under the devilish spell of acceptable social standards, I lost my youthful capacity to simply shrug things off. The sky isn’t, in fact, falling when you overshare; letting your freak flag fly is ok; allowing yourself to sleep on it and wake up and see things from a different perspective is perfectly fine; taking a risk and talking to a stranger may just pay off.
You just never know; a casual “let’s hang out” could spur you to make necessary adjustments to your behavior and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. Allow yourself to take chances and be satisfied in simply expressing your feelings and letting the chips fall where they may. After a spring and summer highlighted with loss, grief, reckless abandon, compromise and countless other emotions that defy logic, I feel like I have continued to ease back into myself. To this unidentified friend, and I hope you know who you are (although you can be sure I will direct you to this entry just as sure as I’ve expressed my feelings over these past weeks), I am grateful. I have rediscovered my mojo – and somehow, you saw it buried within me before I even had a chance to bring it to the forefront.
First things first: it’s important to understand that only the strangely fascinating dual-world existence I have been living this summer could cause such questions to arise. What started out as an innocent proclamation to myself to try new things, step out of my comfort zone and have as much fun as possible has led to an interesting assortment of experiences. Simultaneoulsy overworked and irresponsible at the start of the summer, I forged a new friendship and the connection with this person has been electric and instantaneous, and has led me down an unexpected path. It has been my experience that certain people enter your life at times of unrest (both positive and negative), indifference or unbalance. This should not be assumed or mistaken for a time of negativity, however, it’s simply a time of change. And in my case, a time to reacquaint myself with my “mojo”.
Another friend recently noted, “Nothing will ever happen to either one of us unless we just throw ourselves out there.” I find buried nuggets of wisdom in a lot of offhand remarks, casual emails and random text messages these days. Having already adopted this philosophy before this reaffirming note arrived, I’m surprised to find that letting my guard down, unhinging the constraints around my head and heart and operating without a filter when it comes to communicating with this newfound friend has led me to an interesting conclusion. Leaving the trappings of “civil” (read: guarded, processed and filtered) conversation behind, I no longer have to feel regret, embarrassment or self-consciousness when it comes to speaking my mind. Letting emotion, irrationality, logic and unbridled curiosity co-mingle in a stream-of-consciousness manner suits me. In any given day, a jumble of conflicting, contradictory thoughts and feelings pass through my brain. These are the things you’re never supposed to tell other people about. You know, the “secret life and thoughts” that either deliver you from daily boredom or spur you on to further repression, limitless confusion and an inability to get out of your own headspace. This, in turn, leads to a perspective problem, and makes it difficult to step outside of your own perceived issues to find a way to dig yourself out from under whatever weight is bearing down on you.
It’s this unrestricted interaction between myself and someone who was nothing more than an acquaintance/stranger a mere eight weeks ago that has gotten me thinking about how we (in the larger collective sense, and in the much more personal “two of us”) interact with our circle of friends. If we’re hesitant to tell those we count as our “friends” what’s really going on in our lives, or the thoughts that are really passing through our heads, are they, truly, our friends? Is it better to have fewer friends that know more about us, or spend time with an expanded roster who may not know us well, but who force us to forget our troubles and remain “best of times” acquaintances? And how does it reflect on us, our comfort level with ourselves and those around us? Do we worry more about what other people will think, to the detriment of our own self-worth, self-confidence and self-efficacy?
The mystery surrounding why my connection with this person has allowed me to open myself up so fully could definitely spur about a thousand more inquiries into my psyche. But instead of questioning this positive development, I prefer to simply let it take root and gradually spread to my other relationships. In a sense, I’m getting over myself; realizing that my problems only acquire the weight I prescribe to them. Life is messy, and I’m an unpredictable, evolving ball of chaos. Embracing the many fractures and cracks in our socially acceptable veneer is what reveals our real, unique character. Remembering that it should never be embarrassing to tell people how you truly feel – about them, about life, about your many issues and general weirdness – without consequence and without reciprocation is my lesson learned.
Somewhere along the way, after sifting through years of coping, defense mechanisms and falling under the devilish spell of acceptable social standards, I lost my youthful capacity to simply shrug things off. The sky isn’t, in fact, falling when you overshare; letting your freak flag fly is ok; allowing yourself to sleep on it and wake up and see things from a different perspective is perfectly fine; taking a risk and talking to a stranger may just pay off.
You just never know; a casual “let’s hang out” could spur you to make necessary adjustments to your behavior and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. Allow yourself to take chances and be satisfied in simply expressing your feelings and letting the chips fall where they may. After a spring and summer highlighted with loss, grief, reckless abandon, compromise and countless other emotions that defy logic, I feel like I have continued to ease back into myself. To this unidentified friend, and I hope you know who you are (although you can be sure I will direct you to this entry just as sure as I’ve expressed my feelings over these past weeks), I am grateful. I have rediscovered my mojo – and somehow, you saw it buried within me before I even had a chance to bring it to the forefront.
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