progress....?
So, this morning was a bit tough. One of the things I always loved the most about weekends was something I refer to as the lazy, hazy Saturday morning session. This consists of waking up pretty early (no alarms are ever employed on Saturdays in my apartment as a rule), while it's still dark out, putting on a pot of coffee and making a light breakfast. Then settling in on the couch and curling up with the cat. I always wanted to make sure that while things like work, errands, going out with friends or finding time to walk downtown managed to take up a great deal of my time during the week, I always found a quiet, uncomplicated time to sit and reconnect with Dante. We would both just be completely lazybones and doze off together or play, whatever seemed to make him the happiest. While I had a few sad moments this morning, I'm certainly glad that I was able to remember that with great fondness....
Which brings me to habits. and routines. I find that these are some of the trickiest times for me this past week, and I'm sure will continue to be for quite some time to come. The simplest, most routine acts always involved him in some way. Stepping out of the shower to find him sitting just outside the bathroom, waiting for me to come pet him. Fixing his food in the morning before I would even think about doing anything else. Grabbing him and gently tossing him on the bed when he'd try to climb in the top of the washer while doing laundry. I still have to stop myself from saying "have a good day, sweet boy, i love you and will see you after work" as I walk out the door in the morning. i wasn't exaggerating when I wrote earlier in the week that every single corner and inch of this apartment holds a reminder; and every daily routine was also connected to his "helpful" presence.
i did, however, have an interesting moment yesterday at work. a friend of mine, who's been a great support, and i had lunch together. from out of nowhere, i started recounting the events of last weekend with her and surprised both of us by talking through it and finally telling someone - out loud - what i'd been through. i felt like this was a small bit of progress, talking through it and sharing the thoughts that were occupying my brain at that moment. although it was more like an involuntary act of subconscience, it was a small relief.
as a side note, i'm headed to my parent's house today. and i'm actually looking forward to wrapping my hands around some furry friends and cranky dogs. i just need to hold something furry. i miss that so much.
Which brings me to habits. and routines. I find that these are some of the trickiest times for me this past week, and I'm sure will continue to be for quite some time to come. The simplest, most routine acts always involved him in some way. Stepping out of the shower to find him sitting just outside the bathroom, waiting for me to come pet him. Fixing his food in the morning before I would even think about doing anything else. Grabbing him and gently tossing him on the bed when he'd try to climb in the top of the washer while doing laundry. I still have to stop myself from saying "have a good day, sweet boy, i love you and will see you after work" as I walk out the door in the morning. i wasn't exaggerating when I wrote earlier in the week that every single corner and inch of this apartment holds a reminder; and every daily routine was also connected to his "helpful" presence.
i did, however, have an interesting moment yesterday at work. a friend of mine, who's been a great support, and i had lunch together. from out of nowhere, i started recounting the events of last weekend with her and surprised both of us by talking through it and finally telling someone - out loud - what i'd been through. i felt like this was a small bit of progress, talking through it and sharing the thoughts that were occupying my brain at that moment. although it was more like an involuntary act of subconscience, it was a small relief.
as a side note, i'm headed to my parent's house today. and i'm actually looking forward to wrapping my hands around some furry friends and cranky dogs. i just need to hold something furry. i miss that so much.
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