ashes to ashes...

I'm not sure where to begin...yesterday afternoon was a bit rough, as I received and brought home Dante's ashes which my mom so generously took care of for me. It somehow makes it more ... final. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I know I didn't really expect to get the little packet that comes with it: a cast paw print and small pressed bag with some of his fur in it. I think that's what broke me down, actually. I miss touching and smelling his fur. I've found a little spot in my hutch where I have placed these things with his favorite toy, mr lion. my goodness, did he love that little tiny lion.

i also wrote a note of thanks to the veterinarian who treated him at the emergency vet center the morning of his passing. i keep thinking this might seem a little bit weird, but it's really important to me that she knows how much she really helped me that morning. the level of professionalism, care and genuine compassion she exhibited toward both of us was definitely out of the ordinary. i really can't imagine being the calm eye of the hurricane that exists in any emergency center. to think that the doctors there probably see the most gut-wrenching and emotional moments any pet owner has to face on a daily - and hourly - basis really puts into perspective just how remarkable our doctor was. she was decisive, knowledgeable and diligent - and i just wanted her to know that all of these qualities were appreciated while she focused all of her attention on easing Dante's suffering and gently guiding and concurring with the decisions I made regarding his care. it seems the least i could do was to acknowledge how instrumental her contribution was to helping me move forward and deal with this loss.

i'm happy to be able to remember Dante with fondness, even though i still struggle from time to time with his absence. it's definitely a strange and often uncomfortable process, but i am following my instincts.