Say what you want to say

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” - AA Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

I write from a place of catharsis…quite often. I’m triggered by things I see, read, feel - either first- or secondhand. Sometimes those reactions are raw and the words fly out onto the screen like someone opened a water valve and emotions are dripping all over the place. Sometimes it’s more calculated, letting the dust settle and writing becomes a means of putting life in perspective that makes sense out of chaos. Sometimes it’s a combination platter; a little bit messy and overlapping, but otherwise getting the job done.

Still, there are times (like right now) when exposition gets lengthy because I’m avoiding the real topic. I said goodbye to something today. To someone, actually. Unwillingly. Kicking and screaming on the inside, trying to remain slightly dignified on the outside. It may not be a forever goodbye, but still taking the moment to tell them they’re amazing and will be missed. That I’m honestly a little bit heartbroken. Life has a way of stick-checking or clotheslining you just as you try to get a little momentum going sometimes. And I’m probably going to be in the denial stage for a little while. Because…the stages are a real thing when you feel you’re losing a connection that matters.

That said, there is actually a lesson here. Don’t let the moment pass you by when you could have spoken your truth and shared a real, honest connection with someone. Tell them you miss them. All the things you find compelling and brilliant and wonderful about them. Speak up, be open, overshare. This life is confusing, heartbreaking, exhilarating, joyful, mournful, and holds so many twists and turns for all of us. Don’t be afraid to make yourself vulnerable to others, open the door wide open to possibility, say hello or seize the moment to say goodbye. Tell people what they mean to you. The hard part about goodbyes, whether they’re permanent or temporary, is what comes after. Regret is useless, unless it compels you to be more bold about being present and hopeful.

I’m ok. I know people come and go. That sometimes shared experiences run their course. And I believe they arrive when they’re needed the most, quite often. But some goodbyes are harder than others. The ones that feel unfinished. That aren’t in your control. The ones that catch you off guard. But that’s precisely why I blurt out my affection and share freely with the people that motivate and move me. I’d rather be the one that overshares than someone who cuts themselves off from the pain, joy, excitement and unexpected in life.

It’s hard to say goodbye. But like the quote above, how lucky am I to have shared something that makes saying it so hard.