heavy



I'm having one of those weeks. No, not that kind. The GOOD kind.

What was weighty, heady, repressive and depressive as recently as a week ago, has morphed into a cutback that feels freeing, hopeful and filled with inspiration, rather than that panicky desperation that was starting to cusp on my vibe. Those are a lot of big words. In simpler terms: I'm happier than I've been in quite some time, despite the overriding mess we're all in from the top-down.

While it's my nature to be slightly skeptical of really good fortune, I'm making a conscious effort to run with it and not to look back. It's exhausting and limiting to hold on to what woulda/coulda/shoulda looks and feels like. I made choices; some really good ones, and some calculated risks. From my perspective, which is what this blogging thing is all about, it's those questionable and negative risk outcomes that still got me to this place where I feel my creativity, confidence and freedom on the upswing. It's about riding the crest of that wave to the point where you drop, and then how you react when you hit the surface: do you sink, remain stunned, or ride to the other side?

At the calculated risk of mixing metaphors, I see the light. My single focus for the past several months (longer if I'm being reasonably honest) has been to "get by" until I couldn't stand the constant pounding anymore. I paddled hard, I flipped the board and I came out on the other end of that swell with my adrenaline pumping. I found my balance.

Now, I can see the sets all the way back to the horizon line. And my mood is light. My vibe is right.

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