witness

I watched a dog die tonight.

Not in a controlled environment, drifting off with the push of a syringe. Not tonight.

Going through the motions of my evening commute, I was winding through a Friday-busy Beacon Hill neighborhood on my westward route home. I pulled up to one of the busiest through-intersections, eye-rolling a bicyclist taking up half a lane, realizing I'd have to wait out my chance to move around him.

Then it happened. A pedestrian crossing against the light in front of our path. And a single flash of fur following. A loud squeal. Harsh red brake lights. A thud. Two frightened, huge eyes framed by white fur. And then, a limp body hitting the ground.

Before I realized it, my car was stopped. My heart in my throat. My hand covering my mouth. Heat filling my eyes.

The bicyclist had thrown his bike on the sidewalk. The pedestrian - and owner - on the ground. One big breath moving a furry midsection up and then down. A second breath. No third breath. (come on, come on, come on, please breathe)

Honking behind me. I'm stopped in the intersection. The driver next to me and I exchanging looks. Watching the scene unfold in front of us and hearing a car door, then the driver in front of us kneeling on the ground. It's all taking seconds. It feels like an hour.

I'm out of my car. More honking behind me. I think I flip them off but keep moving forward, asking if they need a ride to find a vet. Hot tears running down my cheeks as I realize it's too late. Everyone's look is enough validation. There's nothing to be done.

Driving away I'm emotional. Watching a life extinguished by an act of loyalty. Best friend following his master. Relieved the suffering was minimal. Destroyed it happened at all.

I pulled up to my parking spot. Turned off the car and took an extra beat. Panicked when my best friend's furry head doesn't appear in the window. Most days, it's there before I even take the key out of the ignition.

The key's in the door and I hear a tired meow from the other room. Then paws running to meet me. I breathe out, and bury my face in fur.